You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
