last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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