Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
