Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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