If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
