"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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