Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Two words: nipple clamps
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