I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
