i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This house was built for laser tag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
