Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize