he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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