i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
farters have to be the big spoon...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
