i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
