so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
