go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Someone shit on the floor
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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