dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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