I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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