I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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