I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
