Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
