I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
