I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
