i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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