why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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