I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize