I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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