He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
