White coat. Heels.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize