Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
