week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
