So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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