I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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