You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize