Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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