I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
