It's Friday. Sex?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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