it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
