I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
