he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
