I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
