how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
