I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
