dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
