Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
