After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
