drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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