I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
