i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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