so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
