I didn't shave. On purpose
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize