I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
