the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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