Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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