Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
