so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
