OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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