That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
