Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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