i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
