it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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