Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
