True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
