Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he thought i was a dude.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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