but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
