My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
