1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
