we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
