Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
