We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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