please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
