the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
