Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
