If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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