I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I will pee on everything he values.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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