I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i dont even know how to be here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
