Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
