Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
