I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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