Sry I called you an 8
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
