my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
