if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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