Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
