Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
