Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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