i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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