Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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