I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
