Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need water and some morals
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
