i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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