So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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