just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
