In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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