you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
