my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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