But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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