watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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