so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can I color on your dick again?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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