I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
