sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
