Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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