Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
