cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize